£250 Million Revamp Of Kirklees Paths Revealed.

Professor Terry The Terrier Of Huddersfield University has calculated that the weight of barbed wire on Kirklees paths is actually distorting the earth’s rotation.

One of the pointy hazards of a walk on local public rights of way is about to be turned into a positive  ” visitor experience” by the local council! In an ambitious blueprint  the Council revealed plans to turn the entire rights of way network into a “Goth Quarter”. The masterplan involves the Council purchasing all the barbed wire which either blocks or is adjacent to the districts footpaths & bridleways.

“It’s much easier for us just to buy all this barbed wire and sell the idea  of a “Goth Quarter” to the public rather than actually do our job and get the stuff removed” said Councillor Pandora’s Box, leader of the Council. “We’re committed to seeing our rights of way network thrive and turning the whole network into a “Goth Quarter” is the way forward. Traditional ramblers groups have had their day and as a Council we believe our Goth offer can compete with Whitby. We have tons of barbed wire, deep, dark overgrown areas where no one dare walk, ramshackle gates and stiles galore! It’s the ideal place for Goths to visit and be miserable !” concluded the Council leader. (you’ve been making ramblers miserable for years. Ed)

Artists impression of the Kirklees rights of way network as a “Goths Quarter”

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