Police Name Cleckheaton Man Charged With Excessive Rambling In Covid Crackdown

West Yorkshire Police have named a Kirklees resident, Arthur Suggit of Cleckheaton, as the first man to be  charged with the new offence of “Excessive Rambling”. This serious offence was brought in recently under measures to fight the spread of Covid 19.

Sgt. Dixon of Dock Green from Heckmondwike station told the blog  “There’s a worrying trend in West Yorkshire of people leaving their cars at home because of the lockdown restrictions and…er …walking instead. We’ve seen a huge spike in this antisocial and criminal rambling craze, particularly amongst older residents who should know better. Mr Suggit’s behaviour in walking two and a half miles and staying out one hour and ten minutes exemplifies the widespread disregard for the law. When my officers arrested Mr Suggit he was also found to have a round of cheese and pickle sandwiches and a flask of tea in his possession. He has asked for these further offences to be taken into consideration. Mr Suggit can expect a long custodial sentence and the key may well be thrown away.”

PathWatch spoke exclusively to Arthur via a video link from his cell in Guantanamo Bay. Arthur, a retired geography teacher originally from Batley,  told us he was unable to get his daily copy of the Guardian  or his usual gluten free porridge at the US base but otherwise seemed in good spirits. We asked Arthur where it had all gone wrong and how had a morning ramble in Cleckheaton led to his arrest and detention in Guantanamo. “Unfortunately I have discovered a problem with Naismith’s Rule. Having carefully planned my route using Naismith’s long established formula for distance covered and time taken I have found it does not work in Kirklees. The formula does not take account of the number of path obstructions and unauthorised structures on Kirklees paths that the rambler must either evade or climb over. This omission in Naismith’s otherwise dependable calculations added exactly ten minutes to my route and landed me here in an orange boiler suit  in the clink.” 

Back in the real world Northamptonshire Police could soon be checking your shopping 

 and Police in Rotherham suggest that you can’t let your kids play in your own garden. The government manage to evade any accountability of course. It’s  ramblers, day trippers to Skegness and a lack of clapping. This reuters piece is worth a read and much closer to the truth of how we have got here. The Byline Times reports on the government’s plans for us all to get Covid 19 in as orderly fashion as possible.